You Are One of the Dumbest People I’ve Ever Met…Let’s Go Talk to the Door

Adventure Log by Arxaggus Add comments

There is no shortage of horse attendants these days.  Whenever word gets out that the Band of Blades is heading to Dragon’s Delve, we are awash in volunteers ready to stand guard on the surface while we head into the depths in search of treasure.  This week, we tested two of them on the first level, and had a third enter midway after yet another death occurred in the dark tunnels below Westhaven.  In addition, Traunk’s wife Arpunia, a mighty warrioress, took her husband’s place at our side.  Including the party regulars of meself, the Doc, Elios, Wrenly, Ham, and Meatwad, the party totaled nine.  I had logistics concerns as to how we were to maneuver in the tight hallways, but was shouted down by Elios.  And why Skandale refuses to adventure with us into the Delve is anyone’s guess.

The front entryway, as always, had a surprise for us: blocking the path leading straight towards the altar of blood was a pile of rubble.  A curiosity, but for now Elios wanted to return to the room with four statues.  Despite the rest of us having already examined the fourth statue during a previous visit, Elios discovered that the weapon it held, a staff, was enchanted.  The Doc, our resident expert at the use of such magics, took the weapon and fiddled about with it, attempting to discern its’ properties.

Moving on, we aimed to show Elios what we called the Clean Room, a finely crafted place staffed by a creature the Doc called a homunculus, some manner of wizard’s servant.  We very nearly were all killed before we reached it.  In the hallways leading towards the room, which held giant scorpions during our previous visit, five flesh-eating ghasts greeted us.

I drew me great sword and stepped into the hallway, slicing neatly into the first undead’s flesh.  In return it slashed at me with its claws and bit me.  I felt me body harden.  Me weapon clattered to the floor.  I stood there, paralyzed, with five evil beasties about to tear into me flesh, and I was helpless to defend meself.  I saw Wrenly tumble past three of them and end up on the far side of the hallway as two of them ripped into me with ease.  As I fell into unconsciousness, the rest of the party scrambled to act.

I came to a few minutes later in the Clean Room, Doc standing over me.  One of me healing potions had brought me back to consciousness.  I looked around at me mates; we were all here, though not all of us survived: Wrenly’s lifeless body lay against one of the walls, covered with his cloak.  The Doc informed me that no less than seven of us were paralyzed during the battle, Ham and Xanytha being the last two good guys standing as the final ghast was destroyed.  Meself, Elios, and Drom all fell near death but were recovered; our only fatality was Wrenly the Clever.  I shall miss his wit.

We all agreed that resting there was a good idea, as we spotted a wolf watching us from the nearby forest when we were on the surface.  Not wanting to be overwhelmed by werewolves in the night, the Delve seemed a safer option.  Doc tended to all of us despite running a fever; the ghasts had infected him much like The Ghoul Formerly Known as Lord Tulwar did to me a few weeks back.  After a full day and two night’s rest, he had shaken his illness and the rest of us were returned to fighting condition.

Replacing Wrenly was a half-orc named Hoedor.

Elios, wanting to return yet again to ground we’ve already covered, felt like going and asking the moon goddess a few questions.  We’d already figured out that her pool was filled only when the moon was in the waxing phase, so we knew we could summon her image.  We didn’t know just how big of a cranky bitch she would be.  A single query led to the activation of a ghoul sentry, a foe the nine of us defeated handily.  But Glarius wasn’t finished punishing us.  She berated us for abusing her power, then cast some sort of enchantment on us, weakening meself, Ham, Elios, and the Doc.

It was at this point that the Doc, who had wanted not to speak to Glarius but rather to visit the enchanted door, uttered the phrase that serves as this journal entry’s title.

The moon bitch told us that we could atone for our insult by meditating at her altar…the same altar used by the goblins here for sacrifice, further proof in me mind that this demigoddess was of an evil nature.  Not that it bothered me, necessarily, only that we shouldn’t fool around with her because of it.

So, we cleared the aforementioned rubble and prepared for the fight sure to find us in the altar room.  Hoedor, unfamiliar with our formation and discipline while in the Delve, rushed ahead and opened a door, quite at random.  He was greeted by two bugbears, who immediately shouted for their ogre captains!  Hoedor cut both bugbears down with a single swipe of his great sword, then we moved into the altar room, where we found a feral human and a worg.  Again, Hoedor felled both.  Drom and I occupied the narrow hallway in preparation for the ogres, and Meatwad hid in the opposite room to engage the giants from a flanking position.  The first ogre was cut down by the three of us.  Meanwhile, the second ogre was spotted by Arpunia, who snuck a peek down the rear hallway via the secret door near the altar.  This ogre stupidly tried to squeeze through that passage to ambush us, and it left itself vulnerable to me glaive.  It was cut down before it finished moving into the room.

The blood from these kills flowed, dripped, or splashed onto the altar.  The worg blood, produced by Hoedor, made him double over from nausea.  The blood from the second ogre, felled by yours truly, produced a strange effect.  I felt imbued, somehow.  I still can’t explain it.  Turning towards an unoccupied corner of the room, I uttered a few words of magic and produced a freezing blast of ice out of me hands!  Elios gasped in shock as he realized that ogre blood has some magic in it; somehow the altar gave me a fleeting moment of their power.

The rush of combat having passed, those of us chastised by Glarius meditated for a bit.  Our chastisement was lifted and we felt renewed.  Further, the four of us felt the demigoddess whisper to us; we learned that she was imprisoned somewhere on one of the lower levels.  I realized finally that Glarius herself was not evil, but she was influenced somehow by the evil force that enslaved her.

Deciding to return home, we all agreed that the enchanted staff was worth more to us in its weight in gold, and we found a buyer who agreed to pay us a handsome sum.  However, in the midst of exchanging it, the blasted thing vanished into thin air!  Denied our windfall, we returned to the Hob in defeat.

Tonight's Cast:
John "Doc" Smith, Human Thief / Dedicate - Mat
Captain Arxaggus "Ox" Dunnbuldanngen, Dwarven Myrmidon - Tristan
Ham, Human Harrier - Scotland
Wrenly "The Clever", Human Harrier - Mike
Meatwad "Phyllis", Half-Elf Executioner - Connar
Elios "The Cat", Human Hunter / Man-at-Arms - Paul
Hoedor, Human Berserker - Mike
Xanytha, Elven Archer - Heather
Drom Fragula III, Dwarven Weapon Master / Berserker - Jeff
Arpunia, Human Executioner / Woman-at-Arms - Eric
DM - Russ
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